Patience

“Relax! ,Relax!!” I’ve been told this countless times since arriving in Indonesia. The first time someone here told me to ‘relax’, I was a bit confused. From my experiences in America, when someone tells you to ‘relax’, it usually means that you’re completely overreacting. That your behavior is crazy, not acceptable for the given situation, and you should probably reconsider your actions. 

Just two weeks ago, when someone told me to ‘relax’ as I anxiously searched my purse for the passport I couldn’t find.. I was taken a back. At the time, I didn’t think I was over reacting at all given the situation at hand. It had only been three days since I arrived in my host city of Yogyakarta, Indonesia. Myself, the other two YES students, our host families, and some of the AFS staff were at the Immigration office. We had to complete the lengthy, somewhat stressful, but necessary process  to legally stay in Yogyakarta. I had only been in the country less than a week.. and already lost track of my passport, so naturally I was a bit stressed and overwhelmed. Having someone telling me to ‘relax’ as I frantically searched my bag was a little weird. I wasn’t upset, but  was my reaction to the situation really so bad that I needed torelax? 

As I look back on this day only 2 weeks later, I can completely understand why I was told to ‘relax’. In Indonesia, the idea of ‘sabar’ or patience, is commonly used and referred to. In the short time i’ve been here, I have been able to  see this concept everywhere. 

The roads are always heavy with traffic. Countless motorcycles zipping between cars, people on bikes, and pedestrians crossing in the middle of the street, you have to be very aware. You also have to be very patient. I have yet to see a case of road rage here, everyone is very calm and respectful when it comes to transportation. This lifestyle would not fly in America. Time is money there, and people have very little patience when it comes to getting from point a to b. Here in Indonesia, people just go with the flow. You’ll get there when you get there… it’s no use stressing yourself out by rushing because there’s very little you can do to change it. 

Often, people here are incredibly respectful of you even if it is inconvenient for them. Just last week, my host dad and I went across the street to what might have been one of the coolest places i’ve been here yet. It was a single badminton court out in the open, in the middle of what looked like a little neighborhood. There were two bright lights so you could play after the sun sets (which is rather early here compared to my town in America), and a little area where you could buy an iced tea or other drink. I was in awe. At home, I love badminton, and I play competitively on my high school’s team. I was so excited a place like this existed.. and so close to my home here! Four men were playing doubles, and there were also many other men just sitting on benches and watching the game. They were all waiting to play. My host dad and I walked up, and they offered me a racquet, and allowed me to play with them! I was so excited. I was very grateful that they let me play, because i’m sure that me playing meant that someone else had to wait longer to get on the court. No one seemed to mind, everyone looked as though they were having a good time just waiting and relaxing, watching the other game go on. After I was  done playing, my dad took my place. I sat down, got an iced tea.. and waited, just like the other men had been doing for the past half an hour as I played. I think its amazing the amount of patience they have, because in America I’ve never seen anything like it.  From what i’ve seen and heard, there are many places like the court across the street from my house in Indonesia. These places I think exist not only for people to play badminton, but also as a place for a neighborhood to come together and relax. 

After experiencing these situations multiple times I think i’ve gotten a pretty good taste of their idea of ‘sabar’ , being patient, and understand what people really mean when they tell me to ‘relax’. it’s not to offend me, and its not because my behavior is not appropriate. It’s because whatever i’m stressing out over, in the grand scheme of things is probably not a very big deal.

If you have to wait an hour to play a round of badminton, so what.. relax, have some iced tea, and enjoy the game thats going on now, your turn will come soon. If that jerk cut you off on your way to work this morning, don’t let it upset you.. you made it to work eventually didn’t you? And in my case.. can’t find your passport in your bag because you’re too stressed out? Give yourself a second. Think. Oh right, It’s actually just in the front pocket. You put it there this morning because you knew you’d forget where it is. 

If you take a step back from what you’re doing, and evaluate the situation as a whole.. is your reaction really necessary? Did I need to be so frantic and stressed out at the immigration office? No. Do you really have to honk your horn and yell at that guy just be cause he cut you off? Probably not. If you just have a little patience, you’ll save yourself from a lot of stress, and live more happily. I’m sure deep down I and most people know this, but it’s truly sunken in to me from living here. I’m trying to practice patience more, and not sweat the small stuff in hopes to lead a better life, and truly enjoy my time here.