" Time flies. So fast. This year has really proven that to me, the next thing you know i’ll be back here blogging about how i’m excited for my senior year, and reminiscing on my (hopefully) amazing times in Indonesia. "
On June 4th of in 2012, I wrote those words in the second post of this blog.
My "(hopefully) amazing times in Indonesia" were more than "(hopefully) amazing". Not only were they confirmed with absolutely no (doubt) "amazing", but they were life changing.
I have found, that these 10 months away have altered my life in a way that I could not have prepared for. I compared my feelings, thoughts, and experiences of this past year to those of the 16 that preceded them, and an interesting question arose.
Can you ever prepare for anything?
Yes, you can prepare for a test in school, or an interview, or such things like that.
However, looking at the question with a much broader perspective, every single second of every minute of every day you are a living breathing human being creating your own history. We as humans are ultimately preparing to die. As awful and cynical as it may sound to you, it is a fact. You, I, your mother, brother, sister, and best friend will all die. Take it from any viewpoint you'd like, religious, spiritual, emotional, everything boils down to how you live your life and coming to terms with the one universal thing we know for sure, death.
A year ago, I would have told you with certainty that I would come back from Indonesia and graduate with my original class of 2014. Right now I'm telling you that that's not the case, as i'll be re-taking my junior year and graduating a year later. A small example, but I believe it proves my point. I have no idea what is going to happen tomorrow, a couple hours, much less a year from now, and to get even weirder, I can not tell you when I will die because I don't know! But it indeed will happen.
I don't like to look at death as a negative thing, as death is a part of life, and life is such a beautiful gift. You have not really lived until you have died.
This post is not about death.
This post is about life.
As I fondly reminisce on my wonderful 10 months abroad, I keep an open mind about my future. A year ago I would never had thought that I had the capability to feel such emotions as I did, love, compassion, anger, hatred, confusion. Never in the realm of possibility had it crossed my, or anyone else's mind, that a life could be lost as Morgan Lide's was on December 1st, and never have I celebrated the joy that is life the same since then. Never had I thought it possible to care so much for a group of people that are not my family as I did, and still do. I sit here today with not clue of what is to come, except of my death.
I have so much hope for the people around me and myself, because in every moment we have infinite possibilities, and it is up to ourselves and ourselves alone which to pick.
Going to Indonesia was such a beautiful choice that I made and I can tell you right now that I do not regret it for one second. The most life changing part about going to Indonesia for me, was realization. Realization that came first hand, seeing that life happens weather you're ready or not and all thats up to you is everything in between your first breath, and your last. Embracing this idea put me at peace with myself and everything around me as I continue my life, following the path of the unknown.
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| city lights of Bandung with Sara |
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